More Thoughts on Dinky
4 degrees, partly cloudy
About 2 1/2 feet of snow on the ground
I was up at 2 am to send Denny back to work. Despite the high overcast, the night was bright with moonlight. The thermometer was "on the wrong side of zero," according to Denny when he went out to start his truck.
After he left, I made sure there was plenty of wood in the stove before going back up to bed. I was hungry so I had a bowl of cereal and finished off the last of the vegies and dip, but not even that made me sleepy. So I opened the DVD MH had given me for Christmas--the first season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I watched the first episode before finally going to sleep.
I guess I need to give the series time. On the plus side, it is written/created by Joss Whedon, though perhaps that is a minus, since it gives me high expectations. Also the series has to overcome the negative feelings I have because of the enormous fandom and the hype I have been hearing about the series for years. At this point, after watching the first episode, it seems like a fairly predictable teen-show, despite the subject matter. I will withhold judgement until I finish the first season.
I slept in until 9:30. surrounded by cats. I still had to force myself to get up, feeling groggy. I have been hungering for cookies the past few days, so I started a batch of chocolate chip cookies while I fed and medicated the cats. I had hoped to get a start on the litter boxes but just didn't get to it this morning, so that chore will be waiting for me after work tonight.
Still feeling very fragile and close to tears when I think about Dinky.
She lives in my heart and is still an immediate presence to me. The sight of Slippers of Mimi or any other cat with a white throat, out of the corner of my eye, becomes her until I set my eyes in focus. It has only been in the last few years that I realized the depth of her devotion to me, that her constant presence around me was evidence of her love for me, that I was the center of her world. I just hope she felt that I kept faith with her, that I was deserving of her devotion.
I guess it shouldn't surprise me that having been betrayed and abandoned by the first people in her life, she clung to me and sought me out. The ties of love were strong between us. Maybe that's why it was so hard to let go of her body. Why I feel like my heart is in that freezer with her remains.
I know *she* isn't there any more. I don't know where that sweet spirit is. Perhaps part of it resides in me now. That might explain the energy I felt in her newly-dead body, the sensations that belied death.
She was--as they all are--unique and very special and very close to my heart. I wish I could draw comfort from thinking that part of her remains with me but what I really want is her back, the familiar weight on my hip or the warmth pressed against my side all night long. In that respect, I will be missing her for a long, long time.
About 2 1/2 feet of snow on the ground
I was up at 2 am to send Denny back to work. Despite the high overcast, the night was bright with moonlight. The thermometer was "on the wrong side of zero," according to Denny when he went out to start his truck.
After he left, I made sure there was plenty of wood in the stove before going back up to bed. I was hungry so I had a bowl of cereal and finished off the last of the vegies and dip, but not even that made me sleepy. So I opened the DVD MH had given me for Christmas--the first season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I watched the first episode before finally going to sleep.
I guess I need to give the series time. On the plus side, it is written/created by Joss Whedon, though perhaps that is a minus, since it gives me high expectations. Also the series has to overcome the negative feelings I have because of the enormous fandom and the hype I have been hearing about the series for years. At this point, after watching the first episode, it seems like a fairly predictable teen-show, despite the subject matter. I will withhold judgement until I finish the first season.
I slept in until 9:30. surrounded by cats. I still had to force myself to get up, feeling groggy. I have been hungering for cookies the past few days, so I started a batch of chocolate chip cookies while I fed and medicated the cats. I had hoped to get a start on the litter boxes but just didn't get to it this morning, so that chore will be waiting for me after work tonight.
Still feeling very fragile and close to tears when I think about Dinky.
She lives in my heart and is still an immediate presence to me. The sight of Slippers of Mimi or any other cat with a white throat, out of the corner of my eye, becomes her until I set my eyes in focus. It has only been in the last few years that I realized the depth of her devotion to me, that her constant presence around me was evidence of her love for me, that I was the center of her world. I just hope she felt that I kept faith with her, that I was deserving of her devotion.
I guess it shouldn't surprise me that having been betrayed and abandoned by the first people in her life, she clung to me and sought me out. The ties of love were strong between us. Maybe that's why it was so hard to let go of her body. Why I feel like my heart is in that freezer with her remains.
I know *she* isn't there any more. I don't know where that sweet spirit is. Perhaps part of it resides in me now. That might explain the energy I felt in her newly-dead body, the sensations that belied death.
She was--as they all are--unique and very special and very close to my heart. I wish I could draw comfort from thinking that part of her remains with me but what I really want is her back, the familiar weight on my hip or the warmth pressed against my side all night long. In that respect, I will be missing her for a long, long time.
