Thinking on Dinky
12 degrees, partly cloudy
what...about two feet of snow on the ground?
So the new year begins. I wish that I felt more upbeat about it, but losing Dinky has just taken all the optimism out of me for a while. I know I will feel better in time but right now, it still hurts terribly. Losing Dinky blind-sided me.
I always have known that I will be devastated by grief when Punkin dies. I didn't give much thought to Dinky. Hell, until she got sick, the idea of her death seemed like a far-distant event. She was so bright and lively, I couldn't imagine her otherwise.
I mean, I *knew* she was sick, but she was doing so well for so long that I let myself believe she would out-live it. So I was shocked and unprepared when she suddenly wasn't doing so well, but was in fact gone before I could get my feet under me. When I got the bad news just before Christmas, I thought we were in for a couple of bad weeks or a month of terminal-care nursing. I never suspected that she would be dead within a week.
I have asked myself if knowing that, I would have left her for those two nights at the vet clinic. Two nights I could have spent cuddling her. Two nights I will never have with her again. I know that hospitalization wore her out and probably hastened her end. I could beat myself up feeling guilty about that, I guess. But I also wonder if those extra fluids didn't make her feel better. If they shortened her dying, perhaps they also made it more bearable, leading to heart failure rather than uremic poisoning. Yes, I would love to have those two night back, to spend with her, but I have to face that I would have always wanted more time, more Dinky.
Posted by Laura at 12:15 PM
what...about two feet of snow on the ground?
So the new year begins. I wish that I felt more upbeat about it, but losing Dinky has just taken all the optimism out of me for a while. I know I will feel better in time but right now, it still hurts terribly. Losing Dinky blind-sided me.
I always have known that I will be devastated by grief when Punkin dies. I didn't give much thought to Dinky. Hell, until she got sick, the idea of her death seemed like a far-distant event. She was so bright and lively, I couldn't imagine her otherwise.
I mean, I *knew* she was sick, but she was doing so well for so long that I let myself believe she would out-live it. So I was shocked and unprepared when she suddenly wasn't doing so well, but was in fact gone before I could get my feet under me. When I got the bad news just before Christmas, I thought we were in for a couple of bad weeks or a month of terminal-care nursing. I never suspected that she would be dead within a week.
I have asked myself if knowing that, I would have left her for those two nights at the vet clinic. Two nights I could have spent cuddling her. Two nights I will never have with her again. I know that hospitalization wore her out and probably hastened her end. I could beat myself up feeling guilty about that, I guess. But I also wonder if those extra fluids didn't make her feel better. If they shortened her dying, perhaps they also made it more bearable, leading to heart failure rather than uremic poisoning. Yes, I would love to have those two night back, to spend with her, but I have to face that I would have always wanted more time, more Dinky.
Posted by Laura at 12:15 PM
